Childhood vs Adulthood. Memories vs Ambitions. Past vs Future. Years spent wishing your youth away in hope of a life of recklessness and freedom. Then years spent wishing for a rewind button in hope you can return to the days of, well…..recklessness and freedom.
I wished so much of my childhood and adolescent years away. I also had many of those years taken away from me. Part of me wanted to grow up, part of me had to. I have so many great memories from my childhood and for those I am truly grateful. However I have many memories of fear, anxiety, anger and resentment towards adults who I felt let me down. I’d describe myself as a confident, happy, outgoing, high achieving perfectionist. And those things I am. But peel away my outer layers and I’m an insecure, angry, introverted, failing eaton mess. Sure, I’m being hard on myself but those things I am too.
Theres nothing worst than feeling lost and unfulfilled. As a child or as an adult. At 24 I have already experienced several identity crisis’. A pan of boiling water will harden the egg yet soften the potato. It’s not the circumstance but the substance, throughout my life I’ve been both. But now I’ve began my path of self discovery. What am I made of? What is my purpose of being?
Be the adult you always needed as a child. Finally I’ve figured it out. Live to give and give to live. It’s that simple. I need to be the role model I always wish I had. I’ve soon come to realise that its not actually the substance but the circumstance. ‘When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.’ Nothing could ever take away the pain I hold onto from my childhood but my soul is healed by being around children, respecting and teaching this Earths future generation. I spend my day teaching up to 100 students, my evenings nannying a family of 5 little girls and my every breathing moment loving my two stepsons. Am I crazy? Yes. Would I change it? No.
As a step mum I am truly not trying to be something I’m not. The love between a mother and her child is unbreakable, it’s a magical bond that I have nothing but admiration and respect for. I can however be a friend, a supporter, a shoulder to cry on, a punch bag to release to, another heart to receive love from and a extra hand to hold. Growing up I always struggled with my step parents. I could never understand or respect why they could love my parents but not us too. As an adult there is no excuse for selfishness over a childs’ needs. We know better. Children are not a belonging, they are not property. They are a nourishing soul, a sponge of knowledge and emotion. I don’t find anything hard about putting a childs’ needs before my own, as parents, as teachers, as role models you put your issues aside and the childrens’ needs first.
Teaching compassion is a job you teach by example, not by preaching words. Boundaries invite respect, vulnerability builds the bridge to connection, truth examples honesty and weakness is the birthplace of courage. We are not here to judge how others do so but to support why they do so. Before teaching, child support work opened my heart to a strength in children and their parents I had never known before. Nothing rewarding comes easy but nothing easy is rewarding.
To me, the most precious jewels you could ever wear around your neck, are the arms of a child. My purpose in life is easy, it’s to love the future of this planet. Its’ Earth and its’ people.
Let them discover who they are before the World tells them who they should be. Every child is just one caring adult away from being a success story.
A girl journeying to the moon.