Life should be about doing what you want, when you want, how you want. Sadly the reality is we do what is expected of us, when required of us, in a way that is suggested to us. I’ve had notebooks for as long as I can remember full of bucket lists, wish lists and life plans. Some would say I was an individual who most certainly lived in fear of failure when the truth is I was in fear of living.
Living in the future filled me with anxiety, living with regrets from my past trapped me in cycles of depression. Living in the moment makes me feel alive. I learnt to exchange bucket lists with ‘f*ck it who cares’ lists and to do lists with ‘to done’ lists. My experiences become surprises and my actions became spontaneous.
Every new year I’d quote “that was my hardest year yet” until I came to realise, life is just hard in general. Nothing gets easier in time, we get stronger. I thought bucket lists filled my soul with hope and achievement, turns out all it did was create restlessness, expectations and pressures. Why do it to ourselves? Why dismiss everything we have achieved with a cross through the middle and highlight what we haven’t achieved by underlining it with bright colours.
How my bucket list of deluded socially conformed reality became my ‘f*ck it’ list of living in the present:
- BE AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND DONT GET MARRIED UNTIL IM 30 – Hilarious. Oh how God must have laughed. We don’t choose when we fall in love, we don’t know when fate will allow us to meet our soulmate, we don’t choose when we’re ready. We accept the love we feel we deserve. So if you’re in a good place right now, who knows whats around the corner?
- ALWAYS HAVE SAVINGS – Cleary when I wrote this I still lived at home with my parents with no financial cares in the world. When will we all realise we are merely specs of star dust from the Universe lent to this Earth for a short period of time expressing itself in human form. We can’t take our money with us but we can take our memories.
- MAKE LOTS OF FRIENDS AND BE LIKE BY EVERYONE – Okay, so this was never on a bucket list but it was something always on my mind. I’m a people pleaser. Well I was until I realised people pleasing made me miserable and that the friends who loved me for who I am are the only ones who matter. I stopped caring what others thought of me, I stopped trying to be what people expected and I became the open minded, free spirit I always hoped I’d be.
- TRAVEL THE WORLD – I will never stop travelling the world. I will never ‘finish’ travelling the world. Growing up each summer I was fortunate enough to see some beautiful parts of the world with my family, I then caught the travel bug at 14 when I travelled to Germany and spent two weeks on a British Army Royal Veterinary Corps base. Since then I’ve volunteered within a Zulu tribe and game reserve in South Africa, I’ve visited as many European Cities as I’ve had time too, sailed the Scottish shores, worked and lived in Northern America, camped in the Canadian wilderness, visited friends in Australia and been on some very spectacular holidays abroad and in the UK with my fiancé and children. Each trip has been at a different phase of my life with different people. Some I’ve known for years and others I literally met at the airport. I have so much more to experience but no bucket list will be telling me where I’m going next, only the wind.
- FIND HAPPINESS – Happiness is an emotion. It’s not a destination. Life isn’t even a destination, it’s a journey. I find happiness in each and every day I wake up, sometimes its the smallest things but thats all I need.
Do what is right for you, not what is expected. An opinion is a belief, personal view or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. We all perceive life differently, so follow your own perception. Your own heart. You must make the choice, to take the chance, if you want to make a change. So go find all those bucket lists and burn them. Create a ‘f*ck it and live for the now’ list. Elkhart Tolle believes most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then we miss our whole lives, which is never not now. That was a revelation for me; to realise that your life is only ever right now. So f*ck it.
A girl not living but journeying to the moon.