Girls with Grit

“Young Girls”

Too thin, too fat, it’s a matter of fact;
that we are pressuring girls to be exactly that.
Having them believe it’s the materials they own,
that define their souls on this earth alone.

Their role models now, half naked, not clothed;
encouraging competition based on the size of their homes.
Young girls, young girls, there is no need to rush.
Stop worrying about applying make up on the school bus.

Why are we not encouraging them to read books and be free;
explore the outdoors, not the pictures on screens.
Why are we not bringing up girls with grit.
Instead we are teaching them to gossip and bitch.

Low self esteem because of image and weight;
taught to judge others, envy and hate.

Must they wax or shave? Rebel or behave? Sexualise themselves for attention and praise?

It’s time to teach them that their worlds online are fake.
To connect with the universe so it can create their fate.
Teach them courage, bravery and of the earths vibrations.
Not to coward away and seek validation.

Dear my 15 year old self, stop worrying about everyone else.
Girls stop worrying about a little bit of mud, turn off the TV and stop chasing love.
Follow your heart, the world is not what it seems;
not if you keep looking at it through your phone screens.

You are not too thin, you are not too fat;
it is indeed just a matter of fact.
That if we keep up this pressure on our next generation,
how will they know how to appreciate natural admiration.

Let them breath in fresh air not fumes;
stop the toxic words of the medias views.
My advice to you girls, go be amongst the lakes and the trees.
They won’t judge you; just like they didn’t judge me. image

To have and to hold – one day or forever?

What is it we are all dreaming of? A marriage or a wedding? A life or just one day? We live in a world that wants the good without the evil, the rewards without the hard work and the highs without the lows. We are missing the point. You cannot love in fear of heart break, you cannot win without putting up a fight, you cannot live in fear of mistrust. I’ve come to realise that it’s not about meeting ‘the one’ who will be there when you reach the top, it’s about meeting ‘the one’ who will stay when you hit rock bottom.

Society has created many pressures and expectations on our cultures today. Social media has made it somewhat acceptable to air our dirty laundry in public but really requires us to display our show-reels as opposed to our out-takes. The grass isn’t always greener, we need to stop wanting what we don’t have and start appreciating what’s in our lives and not in the tabloids. I try not to broadcast every high, just as I try not to broadcast every low. I’m trying to live. I’m not trying to convince the world I have a life.

Recently however, I’ve been caught up in the evil web of bridezillas. When my fiancé and I spoke about marriage we agreed to elope, no rings and to exchange our vowels privately and intimately amongst the woods and the trees. We engaged just the two of us underneath a blanket of twinkling stars and to the sound of a fires spirit crackling in the fresh coastal ocean wind. We dreamt of how we’ll travel the world and of the days when we are old and grey, but the reality soon changed.

With the announcement came hard opinions and influences. An unexpected ring became an engagement party, which soon became an overwhelming amount of presents. The bridal party got bigger and bigger and before we knew it we were planning a huge wedding in Santorini and even considering a tv show. REWIND. None of that sounds small, intimate, earthy or low key. We were caught up in the glitz and the glamour, the wedding function poachers with pound signs in their eyes and all the wedding do’s and don’ts. The big day, the white dress and pleasing our guests became our priority. I thought I had signed up to a life time of marriage, through sickness and in health. Not a £10,000 showdown for Facebook.

When I think of my future I envision the day I give birth, giving my husband and our family a new life. I imagine pain and bravery and a hero to hold my hand. I think about my depression and the days I’ll want to stay in bed with the lights off and the curtains closed. I remind myself of the support I will need to give him even when I’m finding it tough. I smile though; because I know we’ll never stop laughing, we’ll never give up. That the less we have, the more we’ll give. And the more we give, the less we’ll need.

To have and to hold means ‘to possess for life’ not ‘for the day.’ I’ve soon come to realise that I need to do what’s true to my heart. I can’t even say I’m sorry that so many people won’t be invited, that no one will be fed and that we won’t be ordering 100 personalised favours. I want to marry the man I love. I want to hold his hand, look into his eyes and promise him I will always love him. I could be wearing a black bag, he could be in a black bag, all of our guests could be wearing black bags and it wouldn’t make our day any less special.

We are not planning on buying cut roses; we are planning on planting them knowing that we’ll still be around to watch them blossom.

So make sure that before you plan your ‘big day’, you plan your ‘big life’ first.

A girl journeying to the moon.

Bucket List or ‘F*ck it’ List

Bucket List or ‘F*ck it’ List

Life should be about doing what you want, when you want, how you want. Sadly the reality is we do what is expected of us, when required of us, in a way that is suggested to us. I’ve had notebooks for as long as I can remember full of bucket lists, wish lists and life plans. Some would say I was an individual who most certainly lived in fear of failure when the truth is I was in fear of living.

Living in the future filled me with anxiety, living with regrets from my past trapped me in cycles of depression. Living in the moment makes me feel alive. I learnt to exchange bucket lists with ‘f*ck it who cares’ lists and to do lists with ‘to done’ lists. My experiences become surprises and my actions became spontaneous.

Every new year I’d quote “that was my hardest year yet” until I came to realise, life is just hard in general. Nothing gets easier in time, we get stronger. I thought bucket lists filled my soul with hope and achievement, turns out all it did was create restlessness, expectations and pressures. Why do it to ourselves? Why dismiss everything we have achieved with a cross through the middle and highlight what we haven’t achieved by underlining it with bright colours.

How my bucket list of deluded socially conformed reality became my ‘f*ck it’ list of living in the present:

  1. BE AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND DONT GET MARRIED UNTIL IM 30 – Hilarious. Oh how God must have laughed. We don’t choose when we fall in love, we don’t know when fate will allow us to meet our soulmate, we don’t choose when we’re ready. We accept the love we feel we deserve. So if you’re in a good place right now, who knows whats around the corner?
  2. ALWAYS HAVE SAVINGS – Cleary when I wrote this I still lived at home with my parents with no financial cares in the world. When will we all realise we are merely specs of star dust from the Universe lent to this Earth for a short period of time expressing itself in human form. We can’t take our money with us but we can take our memories.
  3. MAKE LOTS OF FRIENDS AND BE LIKE BY EVERYONE – Okay, so this was never on a bucket list but it was something always on my mind. I’m a people pleaser. Well I was until I realised people pleasing made me miserable and that the friends who loved me for who I am are the only ones who matter. I stopped caring what others thought of me, I stopped trying to be what people expected and I became the open minded, free spirit I always hoped I’d be.
  4. TRAVEL THE WORLD – I will never stop travelling the world. I will never ‘finish’ travelling the world. Growing up each summer I was fortunate enough to see some beautiful parts of the world with my family, I then caught the travel bug at 14 when I travelled to Germany and spent two weeks on a British Army Royal Veterinary Corps base. Since then I’ve volunteered within a Zulu tribe and game reserve in South Africa, I’ve visited as many European Cities as I’ve had time too, sailed the Scottish shores, worked and lived in Northern America, camped in the Canadian wilderness, visited friends in Australia and been on some very spectacular holidays abroad and in the UK with my fiancé and children. Each trip has been at a different phase of my life with different people. Some I’ve known for years and others I literally met at the airport. I have so much more to experience but no bucket list will be telling me where I’m going next, only the wind.
  5. FIND HAPPINESS –  Happiness is an emotion. It’s not a destination. Life isn’t even a destination, it’s a journey. I find happiness in each and every day I wake up, sometimes its the smallest things but thats all I need.

 

Do what is right for you, not what is expected. An opinion is a belief, personal view or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. We all perceive life differently, so follow your own perception. Your own heart. You must make the choice, to take the chance, if you want to make a change. So go find all those bucket lists and burn them. Create a ‘f*ck it and live for the now’ list. Elkhart Tolle believes most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then we miss our whole lives, which is never not now. That was a revelation for me; to realise that your life is only ever right now. So f*ck it.

 

A girl not living but journeying to the moon.